Not got much to get sarcastic about today, so…here’s a short story instead (Pure chance that it rhymes…)

There was once a kid who had no need; not for a quiver, a bow, an arrow, nor a steed,

He had no need for a boastful word; not from his mother, nor his father, so none was heard

He had no need for a dollar and a dime; he had no need for a lemon nor a lime

He had no need for a lobster nor a clam; he had no need for green eggs and ham

He had only one simple basic need, and no, it was not a need for speed

His need was such that you’d never believe; his need was the type you wouldn’t perceive

His need was simple but sure was a need; oh, he had such a need, a need to read

One day he read this here, and one question came to mind; "why the hell did I just waste a precious moment in time?"

Safe landings

There's a few ways to land an aircraft safely, a few more for a remote control aircraft versus a real one, but I'm thinking this is a less common method.

For some reason, either trim or a nifty little cardboard wedge I fashioned into a makeshift safety skid for landing, or maybe even just cuz of some flaw in the design of the control surfaces, the aircraft kept wanting to steeply roll nose up and plummet back down. I punched in power and did a basic stall recovery only to have it sprint over toward some buildings in a split second, so one thing lead to another, and having lost 3 propellers today alone to rough grass landings, decided that a nice soft landing into the cushioned leaves of a Palm played the ideal role of a safe spot.

So there you have it. If anyone finds a safer yet stranger place to bring their RC aircraft down, please share here!

Stay tuned for some videos of the forsaken flights I attempted today!

The timeless status symbol; a death sentence?

Ever wonder what all the cool kids are upto these days? Well despite feeling ancient having barely passed the cusp of 27, I've looked for timeless symbols, little things that'll allow me to hold on to youth and still be that cool kid I once imagined myself to be. There's one timelessly cool symbol that has been relatively omnipresent, to date, and yet left me dumbfounded and completely unwilling to participate, despite the OBVIOUS cool(ness).

I'm speaking, of course, of that wicked cool accessory that seemingly cool folks hold in stylishly cool manners in their fingers, breathing in pure cool(ness) and puffing out cool clouds of awesome, all the way inching closer and closer to the increased likelihood of some really bloody cool Cancer; I call em Cancer sticks, some say cigarettes.

Timeless and unaffected by the amazing advancements in blatant scientific truth telling with a touch of arrogant "who cares if you don't like it"(ness) and the handy little designs and attractively packaged with guts and rotting lungs phenomenon, it's fairly obvious why these symbols of pure cool are still in many a hand around many a location within many an age group despite many a law banning many a cool kid from smoking many a cancer stick in many a location in this many a fine country and many others across many a planet (the truth is out there, it still is, Moulder and Scully never did find it!)

So there you have it, that one timeless symbol of cool(ness); Rolls Royce has its time, iPad has its, the big bang theory has its time and so do ferraris (hover cars soon? Anyone? 3d printed ones perhaps?) but the cancer stick; timeless...
So the day these geeky new 3D printers can begin rolling up little sheets of paper with who-knows-what cancerous burning junk, count me in, great investment, but I just can't bring myself to be cool enough to smoke one...but then again, isn't there a study out by now proving that practically everything can lead to cancer...?

Transporter: G.O.D, starring Highly Experienced Ninja, and Uncle

Let me set the scene; early morning, an innocent ninja (refer to previous post, "a GREAT way to start the day") has just gotten her weary old self out of bed, fought through the stresses of those first few defining moments of surviving herself looking back at her from the mirror, gotten a scrumptious oil based high carb diet breakfast into her pristine(ly) maintained body and is all fueled up for the day of ninja-ing around slower, less aware, albeit usually younger victims.

She's dressed up, prepped up and ready to go, out the door in a flash and off to the bus stop...and then, the unthinkable; this diabolical genius has miscalculated?!
Ninja 101: Arrive at intended departure location WELL prior or arrival of departure vessel, NOT Just In Time!!

The bus is already loading, the deceptive queue extends further than her aged eyes can see, and things look bleak, but not impossible, not to this highly trained ninja! She dashes to the queue, not to the end, just right at it, perpendicular, adjacent, parallel, through it even, and BAMM!! Enter the superstar, the ultimate, the ninja's mortal enemy and unbeatable nemesis; G.O.D., Grumpy Old Driver, and he's at the controls of this bus!!

The ninja has recognized her enemy and asserted herself safely into the deceptive queue. The bus is filling up. The transporter, G.O.D, has made eye contact with the ninja, one step will decide it all..
She's right there, right at the door of the bus when...distraction...classic misdirection...a school kid bumps up into her rear, she turns to look, SHE GLANCED FOR A SPLIT SECOND, SHE DELIVERS THE STARE OF DEATH CONSUMING EVERY LAST BIT OF THE SCHOOL KID'S ENERGY AND YOUTH TO USE FOR HER OWN DEVICES, IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG, SHE TURNS BACK TO HEAVE HER HEAVY AFOREMENTIONED REAR INTO THE BUS AND... AHHHHHHHHH!! G.O.D has struck, the door is closed IN HER FACE!

The defeated ninja bangs, hopelessly, gesturing wildly to the remaining spot on the steps that she could've fit into, only to receive a grumpy stare from old driver, who drives right off, victorious, proud, yet old and grumpy.

Now while the initial bits of this epic legend were only estimated by my mundane imagination, the events to follow at and around the bus are, in fact, accurate first hand witness reports, myself as witness included.

G.O.D. was witnessed doing the same thing at another bus stop on the way to the MRD (refer to same previous post mentioned earlier to understand this epic abbreviation) and I can only imagine how many ninjas fell victim to his deadly "drive off ASAP" style of martial art after he left my sight...beware, the war between these two blood thirsty races continues...do not get caught in their battlefield...

The RIGHT WAY, to start your day :)

Every morning I go through a very invigorating routine that I aptly condense into this abbreviation; CSQSQS. Try saying THAT 20 times fast (doesn't really twist your tongue, so if it took you 20 attempts to realize that, shame on you!)

The Crowd-Sandwich-Que-Sandwich-Que-Sandwich phenomenon is, besides being a mouthful of non-twisty tongue twisting belligerence, a truly AWESOME way to start the day; let me break this long-winded phenomenon down:

• Who doesn't wanna begin the day with a step out of their place, into a warm, bustling crowd of lethargic faces and eager-to-board ninjas truly specialized in the skills of sneaking through any crowd to get to the front of any queue. (CROWD)

• Finally, once the ninjas have passed, it's my turn, as a big, bulky, slow-moving dude, it's understandable that,even if by some miracle I do squeeze my way onto the third or fourth bus that comes along, I'm gonna be that massive juicy burger getting squeezed into that finely packed bus, much like a multi-layer SANDWICH. (NO, no, honestly, you don't need an exceptionally high IQ to come up with that brilliant analogy)

• Then comes that brief moment of clarity once the bus is deplaned; the stroll amongst the ongoing construction works and narrowly-cordoned walking areas en-route to my next energizing endeavor; the MRT. Mass (yes, very very much mass indeed) Rapid (i suppose, when these things do move, they move pretty rapidly...WHEN they do move...) Transport (hmm...arguable...transport is defined as "a system or means of conveying people or goods from place to place" according to the Oxford Dictionary I found someplace online. Devastate, on the other hand, is described as "causing (someone) severe and overwhelming shock or grief". I'll be honest, some of these ninjas, older/younger/bigger/smaller, ALL consistently cause me shock AND grief - shock from their ruthless unleashing of the rage-monster who guides them blindly through the doors at any cost (often mine), grief from that sinking feeling that I'm going to have to wait out yet another train and risk being late to the next segment of my treacherous, I MEAN invigorating, leg of the journey.) SO, shall we? The obvious? Ok, here goes; Mass Rapid Transport?? More like Mass Rapid Devastation (of morale)! HAD TO BE DONE, it was right there, MRD. Maybe off-peak hours it can switch back to MRT, I don't know, let's be a little flexible on this here long-winded sarcastic rant, shall we? :) So yeah, right there! That ever-so-misguiding QUEUE! It's at the train, I join it, yet I never seem to enter in position that I queue...oh ninjas...

• Come on, you've caught on by now, what comes next? A jungle of arm pits attached to arms hanging off various sections of the roof, poles, what have you, OH and dreary ninjas seemingly disgruntled despite having, so strategically and with such amazing chivalry, secured their place on the MRD. This jungle, despite being a jungle of sorts, for the sake of the above abbreviation to live-on, simply must be the next, nasty, mashed up, pungent SANDWICH, assaulting every sense you could possibly have, even the sixth one, I don't know, probably.

• Then comes the unleashing of demons, the wrath of the Gods, the rush that makes The Gold Rush look like a slug-race; I call this sacred war-ground, The Interchange. Wait, no, that's what they call it. I'd go with Ground Zero or Blood Bath or something catchier. They also have many announcements on the MRD that give much very useful information like "Please mind the platform gap" and "Next station, *somethingortheother*" in that very familiar and comforting faux-Brit/American/Something accent, but for some reason, there is no announcement like "Please ready your arms for battle coming up at the interchange", or "Mind your belongings and body parts you deem necessary for survival as all can be lost at the upcoming rush". Changing trains on the way to and from work fall at the perfect hours, deadlier and more ominous than the much-dreaded witching hour (allegedly what, 3am? Something like that, some movie(s) told me so!) and changing trains at the Interchange is truly like attempting to reach up into your own chest via any orifice of your choice (I did say up, so your choices are limited - it simply must be the most painful choice) and grabbing onto your heart, pumping it manually and as hard and fast as you possibly can to supply the required blood to get yourself battle-ready to make the train-switch amongst all the highly specialized ninjas. Oh, yeah, here too, much like the initial train-mounting, there is that familiar and highly deceptive QUEUE.

• And (NO, do not EVER begin your sentence with THAT WORD!!!) at last, we come to the final bit of this agonizingly long-winded abbreviation; the final SANDWICH. No awards for guessing it; that final train, that final switch on the dreaded MRD; the one still packed as tight as the previous. The one still looming with the arm pits and dreary ninjas and so on and so forth.

Finally, you arrive at your destination, and HALLELUJAH, you've survived a journey to/from work during regular office hours and, hopefully, survived it in time to avoid losing your job when you walk-in. WOW that was lengthy...but SO necessary, it truly was... 

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned - but seriously bro, GROW A PAIR!!

So...feeling abused lately? Feel like your girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't treat you right? Feel like you deserve better?

Pity the nutless bro in this vid then...

I admire his chivalry, kneeling there, taking it "like a man", not returning any of the love he receives...if I may use the term very very broadly...but come on, really??

Interesting inquiry made for beef in the commodity trading world (fictional..? scam..? who cares!? HILARIOUS!!)

To be friend, hello

I ask you, your beef so looking very marbeled like amazing. I expect happy happy juicy in mouth, like tender. Order 16000kg (20 fooder kuntayner) and making the big moneys selling as beef in my market make jaws big and strong! Dry, man!

To be please telling me your offer if can be pricing better for amount like big so much.

thanking to you deeply,

regards are best only,

Punnaswamy "Rocky" Skrachibal

WHY so RAN-DUMB!?

So outta nowhere, I have these random brain-burps that turn into something that a couple of near, dear n not-so-queer folks get a giggle out of. Why not spread the randomness then, eh? No clue where I'm going with this and no clue why on Earth I'm deciding to do this but I'll do my best, no promises, to share a giggle-inducing brain-burp every now and then.

PLEASE do not bother if you are easily offended because things are likely to seem a little insensitive or offensive at times, but I mean NO racial discrimination or generalization; ONLY randumbization. SO...you know...hate away, just don't call me racist or sexist or anything, 'cuz I ain't...peace...

- Nimble Nuts